If you've never visited the blog before, here is the first ever post that gives an insight as to why The Faulty Fanny Monologues was created.
PLEASE NOTE: this post was written after the 1st April 2024 but the blog was not live then, and so I have dated and written it to coincide with chronology.
Today on Monday 1st April 2024 (no this is not an Aprils Fool, though the experiences of the health sector that I've had to endure with my Faulty Fanny over the past few years feel's like one continuous April Fool's!) I have decided to start The Faulty Fanny Monologues (TFFM), a monthly podcast that delves into and explores (though not literally) all things faulty fanny, and a Facebook group and other social media platforms where people can share similar experiences, and gain further knowledge about women's health.
"Recent statistics suggest that only 2% of medical research funding is spent on pregnancy, childbirth, and female reproductive health. This is despite one in three women reporting a reproductive or gynaecological health problem".
Erm.....Sorry What? 2% OF MEDICAL RESEARCH. Now, I have no intention of riding around, up on a high horse, frankly, it is what it is, and it's not good enough, but these platforms that I have created, haven't been done in order to slate the medical profession or the people that work in it, I believe that the people we see are just the tip of the iceberg working within the parameters of the training that they have received, and frankly, if the research funding is not there, the research is not there, and so the subsequent teaching and training facilities are not there, that being said however, there is the age old question of "Would you allow your grandmother, mother or sister to be treated like that?...." and the answer.....I thought not. Anyway, I digress.
So, here we are. The first TFFM blog post, and it felt only natural to write and highlight my experiences so far (which are also ongoing) so that you know how it's all come about, so grab yourself a cuppa and some cake and settle in for the loooooooongest read of your life.
I'd always had heavy periods since first starting them, but honestly, I just thought that, that was the norm. I was put on Microgynon30 the contraceptive pill at the age 15, and after that I didn't think any more about periods, the pill sorted them out and as far as I can remember that was that. In November 2005 (I was 25 at the time) I went for my first smear test and it was at the point that cervical pre-cancerous cells (CIN III - severe dyskaryosis) were detected and so through a procedure known as a colposcopy, I had part of my cervix and the cells removed. Soon after I fell pregnant, and had a very healthy pregnancy and had a 'normal' (that's another story for another time!) vaginal birth with no issues, after which I went back on the pill when I was able to. I had smear tests every year for two years thereafter (I think! it was a long time ago!!) and each one was fine. Then in approximately 2017 I had another routine smear test that showed HPV Cells, they were not thought to be of any worry, but were to be monitored with yearly smear tests thereafter (honestly the amount of people who have rummaged around inside my vagina - not on a Friday night I might add!).
At some point I also had the implant and the bleeding with that was so heavy it caused anaemia and so went back on the pill. Looking back I was pretty much on the pill continuously (minus pregnancy) from 1995 to approximately November 2017 - that's 22 years of taking a synthetic hormone, and I decided at that point to stop taking it. I wasn't in a relationship and I actually didn't know my body without it, there was perhaps the chance that my cycle had changed, that it was lighter and I didn't need to put any extra hormones into my body.
By March 2018 (now 38) the pain and the heavy irregular bleeding meant that I was back at the drs to try something new as I couldn't have the pill, even if I wanted it, due to my age (on reflection, this could easily have been the start of perimenopause - but I didn't know that at the time. My maternal grandmother had gone through the menopause by 39 and the symptoms I was experiencing are what I now know to be perimenopausal). After much chat the Mirena Coil seemed like a good option and I had it fitted. And it was ok(ish) until it wasn't.
So first of all let me say, it didn't stop any bleeding, but it did control it and make it not as heavy, my cycle was still highly irregular some months I'd have periods every 2 weeks, some months a period for 2 weeks, some months no period, but it controlled the pain. I remember having a gp review and saying "well it's not ideal, but I honestly don't know what a good alternative would be?" - not the best response really, but I continued with it for approximately 18 months ish and made the best of it, I could handle the bleeding, that had just become a way of life, and at least there was no pain.
And then the ‘fun’ started....In December 2020 I went for yet another smear test and the test results came back again as positive for pre-cancerous cells (great Christmas present!), to be removed in the New Year (HAPPY NEW YE....NO!). It was scheduled for the 11th January but it couldn't be done, because the coil would have to be removed the cells removed and then the coil to be replaced, and apparently you can't have had intercourse for the whole procedure to happen (firstly, no-one told me that was the case and secondly, I really hope my dad isn't reading)! They did however, take further biopsies and rescheduled the procedure for in two weeks time, and as a side note, again the cells were CIN III - severe dyskaryosis.
Soon after the biopsies were taken I started experiencing pain, but we all know, local anaesthetics wear off, and having a speculum up there and then bits of biopsy scraped away, is going to cause some discomfort, so I didn't think much of it at the start - and then it got worse and worse and worse.
One week later on the Saturday, I was experiencing full on contractions, contractions where I was on the floor remembering my birthing breathing, trying to breathe through the pain. My partner took me to A&E (it was covid times and he wasn't allowed in with me) and I saw a male Doctor, who thought it was maybe an ectopic pregnancy, the coil had moved or it was an infection, but he would need to perform an internal examination to get more of an idea, and off he went to find a speculum - and thank the heavens above that he couldn't find the said speculum because as he was coming back into the room he said to his colleague:
"..do you know where we keep the speculums? I need to do an internal examination but I've never done one before...."
*insert any appopriate words you feel necessary right now*
It gets better....he came back in the room and he said:
"hmm, ok, I can't find a speculum to do an examination so I think it's probably an infection. I'll give you some antibiotics, but you need to know they're really strong and will make you feel quite sick"
It's safe to say that I refused the antibiotics.
The following Monday, I went to my GP again, in absolute agony, they took swabs based on the a&e visit (they came back negative for infection!), had a feel around internally for the coil, but couldn't locate it...erm what? She referred me back to the hospital to gynaecology as an emergency. Again, I went to hospital, they said they could see the coil on an ultrasound (but didn't show me the ultrasound) and said this wasn't a gynae issue and that I likely had kidney stones and so referred me for a CT scan.....yeah - kidney stones.
It's now two weeks since my initial colposcopy appointment, and I'm now still in incredible pain having a full abdominal CT too look for kidney stones. No one is listening to me when I'm saying that I'm having contractions, and I'm just being ignored. The next day I'm again admitted to a&e with the same symptoms, led in the hospital bed in the fetal position clutching my stomach, sweating from pain, unable to hold a conversation because its so bad, and because I have a raised temperature, it's presumed I have covid, and so before they do anything else they have to test me for covid and put me in seclusion (I mean, you couldn't make it up). I didn't have covid (no sh*t Sherlock) and the Dr, a different Dr, again rings up to gynae and sends me up there for another ultrasound, because I do not have kidney stones.
And then I arrive in the land of Gynae and after lying in a bed in a room on my own for about 2 hours, a male Dr (I later found out junior dr) comes in. You know they type? The ones who are put on rotation, and he's got up that morning and rolled his eyes because he has to do a stint on the 'fanny squad' and that's quite frankly beneath him. He comes in and tells me, he's not doing another ultrasound as I had one a week ago and that showed nothing, he also checked my bowels, bladder and kidney on the CT and all were fine, but he didn't check my uterus because there was no cause for concern - what? He then tells me, there's nothing more that he can do for me other than prescribe me some anti-inflammatories and maybe get one of his colleagues in to come and talk to me in a more simplistic form as I was clearly not able to understand him (yes, yes you read that right). And finally, his parting words "look, I really do understand how you feel right now." My response? "Do you?? Are you having contractions in your uterus and are you being completely gaslighted by medical professionals into thinking there is nothing wrong?" I took his name and left.
Four days later was the rescheduled colposcopy, as soon as I arrived the consultant gynaecologist asked me what was wrong as I had a 'grey colouring about me' and I explained the pain, the situation over the last two weeks and gave him the piece of paper with the person name on that I'd seen, and it was then I found out he was a junior on rotation. The consultant took the piece of paper off me and said he would be having words the junior, and I was never given the piece of paper back, despite asking for it, and I really wish I'd have made a secondary note of it. The coil was removed, it had moved, and was embedded into my uterine wall and that was causing the contractions. The relief from having it taken out was instant, I can't explain it. I had the colposcopy as planned and he didn't put the coil back in.
There's plenty more to this story, but I think that's another post for another day, but this is pretty much the basis of why the last 3 years have been so horrendous.
If you got this far well done you!
Thanks for reading. x
